I learned something interesting today. Apparently, in summer and spring, people don't bathe.
Now, I know what you're thinking. You no doubt assume this means I ran into a particularly grimy and foul smelling person while out on my whacky adventure, but in this case, you would be incorrect.

The origins of this discovery are quite simple. A friend of mine is planning to go to Anime Iowa as the retired version of The Comedian from The Watchmen, and had most everything he needed, with the sole exception of a bath robe. I had heard through various other friends that try as he might, he could not find one for the life of him, with the sole exception of at Bed Bath and Beyond for $60. Recalling adventures at Wal-Mart, and knowing I had seen bath robes there, as well as strongly contemplated buying one, I advise a late night excursion to Wal-Mart to track down the elusive sleeved towel.

Upon arrival at the first Wal-Mart, I go straight to where I know I have seen them before to discover that they are not there. I wander around shouting obscenities at loud volumes for a bit, and then we decide to trek across town to another one just to confirm the lack of them. After arriving at the second location we confirm that no, they do not have robes either. We check over in the bath good section just to be sure, and then ask an employee as to if they know where the robes have vanished to. We are led over to the head lady of the area, and we are informed that bath robes are "winter and fall seasonal." Which all leads to one very simple question.

What the fuck?!

How the hell does something as simple and everyday as a bath robe get marked a "seasonal"?! It's a fuck bath robe! People put them on after they have bathed! Which has since led me to believe that the only reason they are seasonal is because people do not bathe in spring and summer. Perhaps evolution has removed the glands from the latest generation of the human creature. Perhaps dirt, dust, and the like are actually all recycled and used as a source for nutrients and energy. However, come the cool autumn and winter months, the human machine does not function at it's full potential, so its recycling systems are brought off line and the power is redirected to the warmth centers, thus necessitating the use of showers, baths, and the like.

It would seem to me that big companies like Wal-Mart are of the opinion that, come summer, people do not wish to be trapped in a stuffy sleeved towel, that they would rather prance naked through the hot air until they have dried. Or maybe they feel in the hot months people prefer to fumble with tying knots and folding towels in strange and unusual ways should they want to be able to leave the rest room during the drying process and not be spotted as bare as the day they were born (minus the blood and grime, of course)

I can understand heavy coats being seasonal, as anyone wandering around in a heavy coat in the middle of summer is either completely insane, has a death wish, or lives at one of the polar ice caps. I can even understand the seasonal disappearence of long sleeved t-shirts, an issue that has plagued me in the past. But I do not, nor do I think I ever will, understand seasonal bath robes.